I was blessed with the opportunity
to send off both my father and mother.
I now think of the last caregiving.

When I sent off my Dad,
I was glad that I could be there with Mom,
she wasn’t alone to let him go.

When my Mom passed away,
I was there at her bedside.
I was alone to enjoy her last moment as a gift.
It was the 3rd day after the removal of the gastrostoma.

Having watched her suffer with excessive water,
I made the decision to remove her gastrostoma.
Before the decision, I read many books,
consulted the doctor and a priest,
and asked myself with prayer,
knowing that it would lead to the end of her life.

Her last moment was very peaceful.
I said to her: Thank you for having raised me,
and please forgive me for my selfishness.
Her eyes showed her acceptance.
And while I turned aside for a watered sponge for her,
she quietly passed away.

It was the so-called “peaceful death”,
not euthanasia death or dignity death,
which I learned from the books by Dr. Kohzoh Ishitobi,
a geriatrics specialist.

I would like to have a peaceful death when it’s time.
I won’t have a person like me as I was for my Mom at the time.
But will it not be possible to pass with the help of my Being?
With the help of the ancestors,
with the help of the Angels?

Then, there would be no “lonely death”.
I think of this, remembering my parents’ passing.
What an optimistic view in the midst of the Pandemic!
I am grateful for the peaceful setting I am in.
(Dec. 6, 2021, Mom’s memorial day)